Tuesday, September 10, 2013

Today's been a good day. It started with a donation from a person I don't really know. But they know of me, and my need to have my house adapted. I didn't know what to say, and it's not often I'm speechless.

The person that's organising the charity football match for me, also organised promotion through the local paper. So, joy of joys...my photo is going to be in the local paper. Not my idea of heaven, but a well promoted game with a good turnout, is. And I never thought I'd be saying this about football, but I am actually looking forward to the game.

A friend also popped round today, for a cuppa and a catch up. Tomorrow, another friend that loves cooking is coming over, and bringing lunch. And then another friend is calling in on Thursday. As I spend an awful lot of time on my own, and I'm unable to go out on my own, or even with ease with others, having people round is an absolute pleasure. And it keeps me in touch with the realities of the outside world.

Sometimes, I am happy hide away, who wants to be seen at their worst? Sadly though, I need help. And to get that help, I have to make myself visible. And so my wish for invisibility is something that I can forget. I have to display the weakest and worst parts of me. The parts I would much prefer to be hidden.

This is in stark contrast to my life 'before.' Before, I would just get on and do my thing, whatever that may be, and without thought of my visibility. Before I was the girl from the village, the girl that worked at the school, the girl from art school, the girl from the gym, or the mum of all those girls, or the girl training to be a midwife.

I am still that girl, but what people see now is very different. And all that I was, has been smothered, forgotten about, and replaced with crutches, a wheelchair, and a need for adaptions.

I will always be what I was. And that's something that cannot be eroded. Even as I feel myself becoming less.

Forget that actually. I have my voice. And I have my fight.

No one and nothing should ever make you feel less. Worth less. You are what you are. That's all that you can be. So you better make it count. And I won't count for anything if I hide.

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