Friday, March 16, 2018

Death by a thousand cuts.

So today was mother’s my whole brood descended for a roast, cooked by the Good Man again. Over the years he’s managed to perfect the skill. Good man.
I continue to gripe about the single bed. It is possible to get a double, but as I didn’t have to pay for the single, I think I’m supposed to smile and through gritted teeth say ‘mmm thanks a lot.’ I personally feel it would go a long way to discuss the double as an option and payment of because this whole thing has been like
                                                         DEATH BY A THOUSAND CUTS.
And one by one, those cuts mean that you lose your life force. And one by one those moments are lost. Like walking along holding hands. Like sitting on the sofa together, as we barely pay attention to a crappy film, and discuss our day. And do you know what, I’d dearly love to go for a walk, whilst holding hands, or with our little man in between us. Or or or, the list is endless.

A quick glance at today’s news, tells me that a nazi who worked at Auschwitz has just died. And can you believe there has actually been a fight over Charles Manson’s corpse? And a young boy died, at the hands of his dad’s girlfriend. Putin. Tory’s snatching food out of children’s mouths. It would be refreshing to balance out the ‘News’ with some good news. Well, I guess that Manson is now a corpse, is good. Givenchy. Syria.

I plan/hope to go shopping next week for bras....this makes me happy. I’m hoping to get some serious  lift and support that my 34b’s didn’t need back in my days of yoof.
It’s 3.30 in the am and I don’t feel sleepy. She says, just before falling asleep. Probably.
And funnily enough......I’ve been tired today. It’s 17.38 now and bloody hell, if I’m not done in. I want to go to sleep, but I’ll try and hold off for a while.

Tuesday, February 27, 2018

Dear MS, you are an arsehole.

I have been absent for a wee while. And I’d love to say it was because I’d been too busy living my life right into its corners, but no, I am currently staying at a hospice. Too find myself here is a bit of a shock. I mean the clues were there about what an arsehole my type of  MS is. I was stripped of my job, that I was so proud of. Then the next thing to go was my ability to drive, then walking......
 AND OH WHY DON’T YOU JUST FUCK OFF!! THERE’S NOTHING LEFT. I DON’T KNOW WHAT MAKES ME, ME ANYMORE. Well, I suppose nothing can errode the FACT that I am a mum, a sister, a daughter and last but not least, a nanny, to two gorgeous little bunnies. So all of that is great. But just kind of happened. But what would I choose to do??  Ceramics? Or my number one love.....silversmithing. Or something that I’ve been going on about for years, sign language. I need to get on with doing one or the other......and I pick sign language to start me off. And like the teenager that I am......I know a few swear words, so I need to move on to conversational signing.

So I got home from the hospice a few days ago, and there really is no place like home.
whist it’s great to be home, it’s not so great to have someone tell you to get rid of your beautiful bed, because from now on, you’ll have a hospital bed. This is so the care staff, that haven’t been sorted yet, will be able to access the bed, from both sides. FFS, would you let anyone choose furniture for you? Oh yeah, and it’s a single. Not happy. I also have to store various bits of large equipment in the bedroom and shower room. And just to be clear, I know that I’m moaning, but I would not want to be without any of the equipment. It all gives me a certain degree of independence. I am now regretting the loss of the garage......not really, it was hideous, and we now have a lush patio in it’s place. We should have built a shed about four times larger than we did, to house all the equipment.

Allt the equipment has spilled over and in to our bedroom, quite the conversation starter.

Thursday, February 1, 2018

Mr and Mrs Markham❤️

This weekend just gone, one of the twins got married. And very beautiful it was too! Too see her walking down the aisle towards her beloved, properly beaming, kind of melted my heart! Oh and their little bunny walking down the aisle too, was just gorgeous! They’re on their honeymoon now.....ENJOY!!

Talking of enjoyment I AM MOST DEFINITELY NOT ENJOYING THIS BLOG WRITING SHIZZLE......finished one post....was happy with it....then it bloody well disappeared!! I could cry. I won’t but you know what I mean.....

Take two:

Yep so I’m in deepest darkest Warwick, staying in a hospice. I didn’t know what to expect, but the staff are friendly and the beds comfy. Win win. AND I played a blinder at dominoes today! Who’d have thunk it.

Life-limiting illness is a term used to describe an incurable condition that will shorten a person's life, though they may continue to live active lives for many years. ... Palliative care is an approach that improves the quality of life of patients faced with the challenges of living with a life-limiting 

Monday, January 22, 2018

Today the whole family, the immediafte family anyway, of which I am their muvvaa, except one, was round for a roast! And very nice it was too. The master chef was no less than the resident vegetarian. He doesn’t mind cooking meat, just the thought of eating any meat makes him gag. He’s mighty fine in the kitchen, so no complaints from me. Well, maybe just one.....our son seems to eat an awful lot of sausages. As complaints go, it’s rather mild. However, sharing a bathroom with the WORLDS HAIRIEST MAN is slightly frustrating. It gets EVERYWHERE. I kid you not, 4 at a time in the soap. Thank you my love. Beautiful. As for the loo, I’ll leave that to your imagination. You’re welcome. And actually The Good Man is not that hairy at all. Just a little. Well, his forearms are kept bare, due to his job. Thanks horses, your teeth are doing a grand job. I thank you...

So calm yourself because I had an adventure! I went to hospital a few days ambulance!! And I left, 11 hours later, in the same state I arrived in....FML that’s 11 hours that neither I nor tootie will ever get back. God we could have gone out for the day, up London! Mental note made for next time
NB: Tootie=my friend and PA....we used to work together and my boy LOVES her, as do I and the dog, and Mr Elliott and all my girls! That’s a lot of love Tootie! I suspect the next trip out will be less eventful. Mind you, you can’t get less eventful than that day. I got a numb arse from being on a gurney with the thinnest mattress. But, still, I stand by what I’ve said about the NHS being fantastic. I  It was so very busy, but smiles (from staff) came easily, and they helped each other out. 

Midwifery can be bloody and noisy with tears of joy, and heavy tears of great sadness. But I miss it so badly.

Friday, January 12, 2018

Bed hair and shitting it....

Well hello again! If feels like forever since I last posted a blog. So I apologise for being absent. But I was busy acquainting myself with a very nice doctor who gave me the amazingly effective antiemetic jab in my bum. I told my mum off for assuming the doctor was a man. She wasn’t. worked so quickly. And it stopped me from completely draining myself. 10/10 for drugs!! And the Good Man also gets 10/10, for not treating me like a lepper. I felt like one, and I wondered if I should ask one of my girls to paint a black cross on the front door AKA....signaling the Black Death resides beyond......

And blimey.....when I was typing ‘beyond’ I paused for a second, because I’m old and type sooooooo
slowly, anyhoo google thoughtfully suggested that This is how you spell Beyonce. And blimey again, I thought, that’s how you know you’ve made it! But then I’m guessing she already knows that.......

Right, you remember when I was being sick? ⬆️ Well, joy of joys it only went and kicked off a
mo fo of a relapse. I’m laying in bed, unable to sit up or roll over. My daughter gets married in two weeks and I am shitting it a bit in case I can’t get there....and if I do, I’ll be sporting the most magnificent bed hair. I would love a messy updo, so halfway’ve got to look for the gift* cheers for that mantra Nina.

So anyway, the main aim of tomorrow = HOSPITAL + DRUGS home and recover. I’ll have two weeks to kick this relapse in the balls AND GO TO A WEDDING!!

So yeah, I’m going to sleep now and I’ll be dreaming of I.V drugs and high heels and where oh where did I put THE bag for THE WEDDING!??

Wednesday, December 27, 2017

Purse sorting, Winter solstice and search party......

So here I am, wedged again, but this time between Christmas and my birthday. And I’m also wasting time on Mr Ted Bakers website looking at things that a, I don’t need and b, I can’t afford. Still, it’s good to waste time looking at pretties. Pretty no 1. Was a purse. I’d have no moolaa to put in my purse, if I shopped there. Daughter no.4 sorted my current purse out. It was beautiful but bulging with bits of paper, raffle tickets and loyalty cards........But can it be saved? Yes it can! Thanks to number But now, it has slimmed considerably thanks to number 4, and her organisational and ruthless skills. I think she just likes to boss me around. I’m having another day in bed, which really pisses me off, I think I’ve moaned about that before. Apologies. Anyhoo.....I’m unsure if I have a wisdom tooth on the move, or Trigeminal neuralgia. Answers on a postcard please.......

The winter solstice has been and gone. And during a phone call to my brother he did mention that, and how the summer solstice is on his birthday. Yes! Yes I know! And I’ve always known, which is why you always get a present. You, dear brother, are the master of not-so-subtle hints. I could hear his rusty cogs turning. But I love him. Cogs n all.

Once Boxing Day is done I am itching to bung all the decorations back up in the loft. But as my step son arrives tomorrow for a wee while, I best leave them up. He also has a pile of presents to make his way through. I just hope this doesn’t inspire a melt down in the Little Man. But no! Now it’s my own rusty cogs turning as I realise I’ll have time tomorrow to hit Sainsbury’s......Sainsbury’s it is then......I guess I shall find out how good my wheelchair is in the snow.......if that smallest snow drift is anything to go by, not good.

Send out a search party, if you don’t hear from me for a while. Please?

Thursday, December 21, 2017

4 sleeps to go! I think.....🤷🏼‍♀️

Well MS has made itself known, as it’s popped back with a bloody vengeance. It’s unkind and destructive. And I do feel at moments/days/weeks like this that it would just do one. This makes me a bit pissed off and unkind, as I wish that other people could take it for a day, just so I could be a normal for the day. And they would maybe understand how it is, to be held hostage by an unreasonable arse wipe.

We are plummeting towards Christmas, and I currently have a pile of presents to wrap. I used to love wrapping presents and would happily wrap other people’s presents too. But now I agree with Smithy from Gavin and Stacey, that using tin foil to wrap your presents in is genius.

Bunny no.4 is home now from uni, and as such she’s stepped into surrogate mum mode as she puts the Little Man to bed, The Big Man is out to play tonight with his friends from the olden days. No. 3 is out with her girlie squad for food and fun and frolics. Slighty different 3 f’s to what I was used to as a chid. My mum would tell me to go and wash my 3 f’s, meaning face feet and fanny. Although I adjusted the order to face, fanny and feet.

Tomorrow I’m hoping to get something delicious to wear on THE DAY......and perhaps also for my birthday, as that’s wedged between Christmas and New Year. I need to pull my finger out and arrange something. Some people hate having a birthday near Christmas, but I quite like it. Some people are off work, and are just generally more relaxed and that equals a good time. And you have a tree in your house. And fairy lights.

What’s not to love?